As I continue my journey, I am learning more and more about what it means to truly be selfless. I am in places where people are deeply hurt, most of them through very traumatic experiences in life. My excitement for a while overpowered any resistance that may have been there. However, that came crashing down recently and I was frustrated and even a bit angry. My thoughts were, how can I come here out of love and support and be so harshly shut down and attacked? Have you heard the phrase “hurt people, hurt people”? This is something to always remember when opposition and anger come your way. When a person is deeply hurt and they have not worked through their inner feelings they will act in anger or disobedience. I knew this and teach it all the time, so why did it take me a minute to remember this very common phrase I say? I was not looking at the other person when I was reacting to my frustration. I was in my own feelings and emotions; I wanted to add value but lost my real focus. My frustration was a trigger that I needed to do some inner work around. In addition, I lost my focus to my “why”. I love that I learned something about myself and that I very quickly realized, I was out of purpose. My desire is to share the power of forgiveness and help people live happy and healthy lives. For a brief while my “why” seemed to be focused on me getting accolades for self. I wanted to be told I was doing a good job, or that they really appreciated me, which was all self-focused and not what I wanted to accomplish. OK vanity, get out of the way!
This new revelation on removing self from the equation has given me a new strength. I do not need to be told I am doing a good job. I have done so much work to get to this point in my life. I have done everything from obtaining college degrees, writing, speaking, mentorship, teaching and researching to learn everything I need for this time in my life. What I need is to be secure in my abilities to do what God has placed me to do.
Here is another food for thought moment I had, what if the person who most got under my skin was the one I needed to help the most? Would I be able to put my feelings aside to live out my mission to help? Can I just tell you how much I did not like this particular revelation? This is where purpose and passion clash with flesh and self, who will win. The person who can remove their feelings for the good of their mission will exercise great strength.
This is when the true “why” overtakes any self desire and acts in genuine love not superficial love.